Tuesday, November 13, 2007

What Men Want~

Hello all~! We have a fellow law student guest blogger today, who is going to tell us about all the products that MEN like to use. Yes, that's right. He is a man. And he's here to unleash all the secrets of the male beauty rituals that they avidly deny. LIES! Let us know what you think...is he blog worthy?
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Ok, so after much poking and prodding from ~S~, (I begged and blackmailed her), I decided to throw some lines up on this blog and share some things I like as well. Because frankly, I don't really like the things that ~s~ likes. But don't get me wrong, I think the cute little numbers from Target's Erin Fetherston line are great and might even be cute with those little homemade sacks if…well, if I was a woman. Indeed, I am a man. I am a man who does not use Shiseido make-up remover and who is not in love with Ewan McGregor (lie). Instead, I am a man who uses Fabulously Foaming face wash and fine, loves Ewan McGregor. Let's explore…

There is no shame, or at least I feel no shame in using certain products to maintain or even improve my physical appearance. And with gym memberships requiring such a huge commitment ($ + time) and healthy eating so boring and impossible to maintain after a night of drinking (chicken-rice), buying some better skin and better hair in a tube seem too good to be true. But I promise, this stuff is the real deal and will give you the false sense of hope that your baby soft skin and Brad Pitt like hair are distracting people from your beer gut.

With the winter months looming ahead and cold weather already sabotaging many a golf game, you chunky monkeys have a chance to hide some of that lard under layers of fleece and goretex. What? Yes…and what then will people notice? Your face and your hair, son. Call this vain or whatever you want, but this is important stuff. You have to trust me…after all I am an anonymous guy writing on a female blog, who for all you know is clueless about anything worth knowing. But c'mon guys, if these ladies think I have some knowledge worth sharing on their site, it must mean something, because ~S~ is a Fox! ~ ~ ~. Oh yea..~~~~. Alright, so let's get to it already: face, hair, hands lips. This is what I like:

FACE:

Bliss Fabulous Foaming Face Wash.

This stuff is freakin awesome. And like most stuff guys use that are really awesome in this genre, it was introduced to me by an ex-gf. This stuff is described as "A two-in-one oil-free exfoliating face wash for all skin types, this fresh, fruity cleanser contains rose hip extract, milk thistle, passion flower and chamomile in a non-stripping formula that rebalances even the most schizophrenic of skins." Look, I don't know what any of that means, but it really works. You will look like you just had a full nights sleep after using it, and the smell of it….Mm mm mm just for the smell of it. It has an aromatherapy kind of effect without being girly or too flowery. It smells clean and gets the job done. What I also like is that it doesn't smell manly either. All these man products that leave you smelling like some dude rubbed his cologne laden body all over your face is no good in my book.

HAIR:

Shampoo is shampoo to me.

For the winter time I used
anti-dandruff stuff because, well, it happens.

Conditioner is where
the magic happens. Guys if you don't use conditioner, you should because not only does it make your hair look better, it makes if feel better too.

And whether your woman is pulling on your hair out of lust or anger or a combination of both, your super soft man doo (not dumpling) will make her purr, or if shes angry at least she wont be able to get a good grip 'cause it'll be oh SO soft.

Pervert.

What?

So for conditioner I recommend Bumble and Bumble's Seaweed Conditioner.

It smells clean not fruity, untangles even the most ridiculous jungle tangled hair and gives it some sh sh shiiine.

HANDS:

You might think that a man's hands should be well, like a man's hands.

And for the most part I agree with you.

You don't want the softest hands in the world, but at the same time you don't want your hands looking like you're dirty.

Even if you are, it's no way to win the ladies over.

It's getting colder out and your hands are likely to look gnawed up.

Use cocoa-butter on your cuticles (fingertips where the nail meets the skin, nancy).

In fact you can use cocoa-butter anywhere.

It smells like summer-time love making on an island and works miracles on your crusty skin.

LIPS:

One thing that's super important is lip stuff. Even if you have your mojo on point and think that super foxy anonymous blogger is down to suck face with you, chapped lips can be a deal breaker. I think the original, Vaseline is still the best. The Lip Therapy is great 'cause it's portable and you don't have to stick your finger in it like some lip balms. Also, it doesn't get hard or chunky like Chap Stick can.

Alright, so that's that. Take my advice for what it's worth: nothing. And go out and be the prettiest man you can be.

~D~

5 comments:

dux said...

i feel prettier already just by reading this thing

~S~ said...

Thanks ~D~! You're making ME want to throw my advice out the window and use your products!

JT said...

Very useful tips. Thanks.

samuel said...

nice blog, but as with all beauty/skin care products, you have to find the one that's right for you. so i wouldn't say "x" is the best or "y" is better than "z." i would simply say, for lip balm, i use neutrogena. it's the best one that works for me. you should try it too. for shampoo, i use kirkland, because my hair doesn't really need expensive shampoo. but if you're into having smooth, silky hair i hear japanese shampoo is da bomb diggity. but it may not work for you. as for face wash, i use johnson & johns clean & clear. i've tried a lot and that works the best for me. so, in short, try the products that people say they use, but don't take their word for it that it's the best. it's the best (for them).

Anonymous said...

after reading this blog, i feel like i should go out and buy all these products. But to be honest, i'm a guy and i probably wont buy any of these products. The only one i can see myself using is Vaseline.
So Mr.Anonymous, do you wax/pluck your eyebrows? what about your private areas? do suggest trim/or bikini wax? what about special ointments?
Guys all you got to do is be tidy. Shave often, get haircuts, cut your nails, do your laundry, and spray some cologne. Unless you have some major outbreak problems, I personally dont think you need most of this junk..